Today I'm using this blog as a "self help" forum for me. I am so troubled and I'm releasing it all to God and looking for strength and guidance.....
We've been matched with a birthmom. Great news I know, I was giddy with excitement when I heard the news. We've had time to marinade on the thoughts of it and even though I'm excited....there always has to be a but. And boy do we have a BIG but. The birthmom is in need of some financial assistance. It's not much (less than $500 a month) but it exceeds the "extra" amount we have each month. I just don't know what to do. We're supposed to meet this mom today. Do we stop our tithing, do we sell even more of our stuff....but eventually we'd run out of things to sell. I know I should just trust that God will provide for us, but what if this baby isn't the one that we're supposed to have. Am I missing the signals, is this a test to just trust. I don't know and I'm not one to jump blind into something. But that's what adoption is. I'm finding peace in this scary time but frankly I was a blubbering ballbaby mess this morning. And I feel on the verge of more tears.
It doesn't help that Eric deploys in 3 weeks, that alone is enough stress for this mama.
Please pray for guidance and peace for us thru this adoption process or having to make the decission that it's not a right fit. Pray for us as we prepare for deployment.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Does your home reflect who you are?
This question was asked of us when we were getting ready for a walk thru of our home during the homestudy process of our domestic adoption. As I pondered this question and looked around our home I realized it represented very little of us as a family.
From the moment of signing our names on the dotted line March 16, 2007 we became the owners of a work in progress. We saw beyond the dirt, grime, nasty wall to wall country blue carpet and hideous wallpaper that graced at least one wall of each room. We owned 1800 square feet of potential. It's been a LONG almost 5 years now and this house has slowly become our home and in the last several months I've been able to transform our home into something that reflects us as a family.
Today's Home Highlight feature will be the new mural in our hallway. I admit I'm addicted to Pinterest, but in my defense I'm not just pinning, I'm doing too! In my world THAT makes all the difference! Self Disclaimer: Notice to the right you can click and follow me on Pinterest or Pin something to one of your boards from my blog....if I did it right! Anyhoo, back on track! Here is a picture of my family tree mural.
Due to the placement of the tree in our hallway it's hard to get a good angle to photograph it, but you get the jist of it. I started out by drawing a tree freehand on the wall and when I stepped back I was pretty pleased with my tree. The nice thing about tree's is that no two are alike and there's not a straight line on any of them! I filled in my sketch with paint and decided that it looked a little bare and I then added the curly-que's to give it a little more of a whimsical touch. We decided this tree will not be a typical "family" tree with limbs/branches representing a single line but of our family as a whole. It's the people before us who helped root us. The center picture is of the three of us as a family and wedding pictures of our parents and grandparents surround us. The frames are some we had and I spray painted them satin black and if a matting was used, I only used white to make the picture pop. I'm still waiting on pictures of the great-grands to add to our tree. Once the final photos are added I might add some silvery sage & misty blue leaves as fillers if needed.
I love our new family tree mural. It's one of the 1st things someone who enters thru the front door will see as they look across the room. And as a true representation of who we are as a family there is always at least one picture hanging slightly crooked! We're a little crazy like that....it has nothing to do with it being a narrow hallway!
Here's another view coming out of Jonner's bedroom.
From the moment of signing our names on the dotted line March 16, 2007 we became the owners of a work in progress. We saw beyond the dirt, grime, nasty wall to wall country blue carpet and hideous wallpaper that graced at least one wall of each room. We owned 1800 square feet of potential. It's been a LONG almost 5 years now and this house has slowly become our home and in the last several months I've been able to transform our home into something that reflects us as a family.
Today's Home Highlight feature will be the new mural in our hallway. I admit I'm addicted to Pinterest, but in my defense I'm not just pinning, I'm doing too! In my world THAT makes all the difference! Self Disclaimer: Notice to the right you can click and follow me on Pinterest or Pin something to one of your boards from my blog....if I did it right! Anyhoo, back on track! Here is a picture of my family tree mural.
I love our new family tree mural. It's one of the 1st things someone who enters thru the front door will see as they look across the room. And as a true representation of who we are as a family there is always at least one picture hanging slightly crooked! We're a little crazy like that....it has nothing to do with it being a narrow hallway!
Here's another view coming out of Jonner's bedroom.
The inside of our home is a place I welcome people rather than meet them at the door out of shame because the house is a dump. The once dump has been transformed into a place that I can proudly say gives us happy memory's to draw back on, brings us joy and laughter daily, warmth and comfort fills this home. This is where we dwell, this IS our home and this is WHO we are. Sticky floors and all!
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Gruzed spelled backwards...
Is desserts. I have to look at today as a day filled with desserts, just not the edible kind. I had a great 2 day visit with my parents, I have a loving husband who works hard to support our family and I have my little blue eyed man who makes me laugh, cry and is the sweetest treat in my life. And today his big blue eyes looked into mine as I was buckling him into his carseat after school and said "Mommy you forgot my dezurg in my lunch box". I guess in his new classroom all the cool kids have a dezurg of chocolate in their lunch boxes and lil' man just wants to fit in! Lucky for him I was able to hook him up with a Dove Chocolate heart I had hidden away to make Peanut Butter Loves (Kisses/Blossoms) cookies.
Jonner is adjusting to his new classroom wonderfully. He's made several new friends and he and another little boy have been inseperatable since Jonner's 1st day. Some of his bad behaviors have stuck with him, but it's still early and I'm hopeful that with him being away from the children in his old class he'll be back to himself.
Yesterday Eric gave me some *adoption* news that hurt my feelings and to be honest made me a little bit angry. There is a girl that works in his building and it was brought to our attention several months ago that she was pregnant and wanted to let us adopt her child. She approached someone with concerns of working and seeing Eric and feeling uncomfortable. I understood the concerns and left it at that. At Christmas we found out that she was moving into base houseing and we assumed she had decided to keep her baby. She herself told me when she was due, and spoke generally about the pregnancy. I guess my assumption was wrong. Eric offered to give her our bassenett and she told him she was placing the baby for adoption but would ask if "they" wanted it. When he told me I felt like it was a slap in the face. Honestly my feelings initially were anger; "if we're not good enough to parent your baby maybe our bassenett isn't good enough either", then the hurt set in. The anger is now gone but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hurt. I wasn't happy when I thought she was going to parent her child, but I wished her well. A lot of single parents raise children and do it well. I knew it would be difficult for her but I'm sure she could have done it. Now I'm just sad. Sad that our wait continues. I'm sure that the family she's chosen wants this baby as much as we do.
Meanwhile I've asked Eric to approach her and ask if she'd reconsider placing her child with us and explaining to her that he'll be deploying and when he returns moving to a new office. I know placing her child is not a small, easy decission and I would love to have her reconsider us now that she won't be seeing Eric on a day to day basis. All we can do is ask.
One of my girlfriends once told me "one of the greatest gifts you can give your child is a sibling". I pray that sometime soon we can give Jonner and a new little someone the wonderful gift of each other.
Jonner is adjusting to his new classroom wonderfully. He's made several new friends and he and another little boy have been inseperatable since Jonner's 1st day. Some of his bad behaviors have stuck with him, but it's still early and I'm hopeful that with him being away from the children in his old class he'll be back to himself.
Yesterday Eric gave me some *adoption* news that hurt my feelings and to be honest made me a little bit angry. There is a girl that works in his building and it was brought to our attention several months ago that she was pregnant and wanted to let us adopt her child. She approached someone with concerns of working and seeing Eric and feeling uncomfortable. I understood the concerns and left it at that. At Christmas we found out that she was moving into base houseing and we assumed she had decided to keep her baby. She herself told me when she was due, and spoke generally about the pregnancy. I guess my assumption was wrong. Eric offered to give her our bassenett and she told him she was placing the baby for adoption but would ask if "they" wanted it. When he told me I felt like it was a slap in the face. Honestly my feelings initially were anger; "if we're not good enough to parent your baby maybe our bassenett isn't good enough either", then the hurt set in. The anger is now gone but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hurt. I wasn't happy when I thought she was going to parent her child, but I wished her well. A lot of single parents raise children and do it well. I knew it would be difficult for her but I'm sure she could have done it. Now I'm just sad. Sad that our wait continues. I'm sure that the family she's chosen wants this baby as much as we do.
Meanwhile I've asked Eric to approach her and ask if she'd reconsider placing her child with us and explaining to her that he'll be deploying and when he returns moving to a new office. I know placing her child is not a small, easy decission and I would love to have her reconsider us now that she won't be seeing Eric on a day to day basis. All we can do is ask.
One of my girlfriends once told me "one of the greatest gifts you can give your child is a sibling". I pray that sometime soon we can give Jonner and a new little someone the wonderful gift of each other.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Playing Catch Up
As I was sitting on the bar stool this morning looking out the big patio door a beautiful male cardinal stopped by to greet me. I just love watching my birds and having the simple reminder of the wonder around me. It's been a long time since I've taken the time to sit down and write. I've missed it, and believe me I have a million blogs tucked away in my little bird loving brain. So I've decided today is the day to get started again.
I'm going to play catch up and rewind several weeks. I do this because once the holidays hit so did the crazy hustle and bustle of everyday life.
Thanksgiving 2011 was fabulous! We hosted our 1st family feast and had Eric's dad, one of his sister's along with her hubby, my parents and my grandma Lutz. I cannot put into words how special that day was to have so many loved ones sitting in our home at our dining room table breaking bread and gorging ourselves with turkey, ham and too many fixings to name!
I'm going to play catch up and rewind several weeks. I do this because once the holidays hit so did the crazy hustle and bustle of everyday life.
Thanksgiving 2011 was fabulous! We hosted our 1st family feast and had Eric's dad, one of his sister's along with her hubby, my parents and my grandma Lutz. I cannot put into words how special that day was to have so many loved ones sitting in our home at our dining room table breaking bread and gorging ourselves with turkey, ham and too many fixings to name!
Eric has become a deep-fry turkey pro. Crispy golden on the outside and tender, juicy deliciousness on the inside.
The hungry family!
Two thumbs up for Uncle Jim! Jonner and Uncle Jim found all the best mud holes to play in and Uncle Jim had to give Jonner a bath before they could come sit down at the table. Uncle Jim is a little kid in a big kid body, and Jonner adores him!
After Thanksgiving I was busy sewing and trying to make as many handmade items as possible to give as Christmas gifts.
I started making Christmas shirts this year and here is a special order for a whole family of reindeer. The daddy & son are sporting a tie and bow tie while mommy & daughter have a ribbon in their antler. These were fun to make and a big hit with so many.
I originally saw this on Pinterest. It's simply a "dry erase" board using the glass from a frame. We have this little wall between the end of the cabinet and hallway and I purchased our wrought iron S a long time ago for this space and it still didn't look finished. So once I saw the tutorial for the dry erase board I knew exactly what was going in that ackward little space. I found a 10x10 square frame and I swap out the scrapbook paper behind the glass to go along with the season/holiday. Super easy, super fun and it makes my life so much easier to just wipe away my to-do tasks everyday.
Another Pinterest find! My girlfriend in S.C. made one of these wreaths for her front door and I loved it so much I decided to give it a go myself. It was so easy and I even enlisted the "help" from my 2 guys....Family Craft Fun!!! It's a wire coat hanger stretched out into the shape of a circle with ornament balls (I used plastic). I took the tops off of each ball and hot glued it on so it wouldn't come apart in a heavy wind and just put the balls on the hanger. The top one I tried to make a pattern and it just didn't work. While it turned out beautiful it wasn't what I had invisioned when I started. I enjoyed making the 1st so much that I decided to make a 2nd. When making the 2nd I decided to use a single color in different textures & shine. It was simply stunning and hard to give as a gift! Plus I personally think the silver can stay up through January since it's not really Christmasy. These wreaths were very satisfying to make. Simple, Quick, Inexpensive and Beautiful. I've already stocked up on supplies to make more for 2012 Christmas gifts!
These were a special order from Santa himself. He visited a family on Christmas night and brought each of the (grand)kid's a book in a reusable fabric gift bag. He's asked the the bags stay at the grandparent's house and each year he'll put a gift in them for the kiddo's. Even the big guy himself is trying to be green!
After the crafts came Christmas! We travelled to Iowa/Northern Illinois for Christmas this year. It was a fun, family filled time. Unfortunately we forgot our camera and even though my sister in law let us borrow hers we didn't think about how to transfer the pictures from her camera to our laptop....and none of us thought about the USB cable thingy! Youda thunk we was blonde or sumthin! Even without the pictures we had a wonderful "Four Christmases". One of the highlights was having Christmas Day Dinner at Eric's grandma's. Grandma, all 4 of her children, the majority of grands & great-grands were in attendance. It was crazy, loud, crowded and an experience we'll never forget and look forward to going to again.
Finishing up 2011 I had a big surprise for Eric who turned 40 on January 2nd. With the help of his cousin Lola we planned a surprise 40th Birthday Party for him on New Year's Eve. It took some planning, and a lot of love from those far away who drove nearly 300 miles to celebrate Eric's birthday.
Eric's grandma was just one of the people who made the trip to celebrate Eric's birthday. She made his cakes when he was a kid and it was only fitting to ask her to make this one as well. Eric was surprised and thrilled to have so many here for the New Year's weekend. He said for days afterward what a good surprise and perfect weekend it was sitting around playing games, chatting & nibbling on food all weekend with everyone. I am so thankful that so many were able to come down and celebrate my honey. He deserves to be showered with love (and gag gifts) from time to time!
I guess this concludes 2011 (a little late). 2012 has started out with illness for both myself and Jonner. He has an ear infection and I'm fighting a double ear infection and sinusitis. With antibiotics we're on the mend. I've decided to start the year out sick to get it out of our system now. Here's to a Happy & Healthy New Year!
Friday, December 30, 2011
I can't contain myself!
I'm so excited.....Eric's surprise 40th birthday party is coming together nicely! We're expecting 10 family members coming down to ring in the new year and celebrate E's birthday! I can't wait to see his face, I don't think he has a clue!!!!
Thankfully Eric doesn't follow my blog and I can shout it out from here, it's been a hard 6wks keeping my mouth shut!
Thankfully Eric doesn't follow my blog and I can shout it out from here, it's been a hard 6wks keeping my mouth shut!
Friday, November 11, 2011
"F" is for Fun, Fall, Friday, FOOTBALL
I started writing this blog nearly a month ago 11.11.11 and for some reason I was pulled from the computer and my words were forgotten about until I happened about them tonight. But since I started it why not finish. Right?
Today was an "F" day. Full of fun; we were lucky enough to spend this beautiful fall Friday with the St. Louis Rams football team during one of their practices.
The Rams invited veterans out to watch one of their practices and to thank the vets for their service. I cannot put into words how excited I was when Eric told me we were one of the selected families. Eric had to wear his BDU's but I made sure Jonner and I were clothed in our Rams gear and Eric went out to purchase items for the players to sign during the meet and greet.
It was so much fun to shake hands and chat with the players. They're just normal people like you and me. They get worn out from a hard workout, they get hungry, they laugh and tell jokes....ordinary people - who make a ton of money!
I think the biggest highlight was for Jonner (on a few occassions). He played football with Rampage the mascott and had several pictures taken with him. And after the practice Brandon Lloyd made a bee-line for Jonner and gave him his practice glove. He made the day of one little boy!
Here are a few pictures of our day.
Today was an "F" day. Full of fun; we were lucky enough to spend this beautiful fall Friday with the St. Louis Rams football team during one of their practices.
The Rams invited veterans out to watch one of their practices and to thank the vets for their service. I cannot put into words how excited I was when Eric told me we were one of the selected families. Eric had to wear his BDU's but I made sure Jonner and I were clothed in our Rams gear and Eric went out to purchase items for the players to sign during the meet and greet.
It was so much fun to shake hands and chat with the players. They're just normal people like you and me. They get worn out from a hard workout, they get hungry, they laugh and tell jokes....ordinary people - who make a ton of money!
I think the biggest highlight was for Jonner (on a few occassions). He played football with Rampage the mascott and had several pictures taken with him. And after the practice Brandon Lloyd made a bee-line for Jonner and gave him his practice glove. He made the day of one little boy!
Here are a few pictures of our day.
Warm Up
#55 shaking hands
My two favorite guys
Jman with Rampage
Playing football with Rampage...notice the ball bouncing off of his head!
Playing ball with Rampage
Is this not the cutest little boy EVER!
As Jonner said "meeting a real hero" WWII Vet
Scrimage
Daddy playing ball with his boy
High 5's!
#8 Quarterback Sam Bradford signing J's helmet
Today: I now realize why I never finished this blog. I hadn't uploaded my pictures, but my thoughts were all over the place. And now that it's weeks later I don't know what direction my thoughts were going in...and I don't know how to fix it now. So I appologize for the beebopping around. It was a great day and gave us so many wonderful memories. Jonner still talks about Brandon Lloyd giving him his glove and he loves to show off his signed football & helmet. We've put them away to keep nice and hope to have properly (safely) display his treasures in his room. I've gone from the woman who doesn't like/watch football to a Rams fan!
Little man with his treasures. Now THAT is a real smile!
Future NFLer
November is National Adoption Month
When I mention to someone we're trying to adopt the first response I get is "where from?" I know they're expecting an exotic, foreign destination in which we'll fly off to and return with our new bundle. When I tell them we're adopting domestically I hear "oh, local". As if a child from our own country will not be as cute, loved, and "exotic" as a child adopted from another country.
I've always had a desire to adopt, Eric from the beginning said no. I remained persistant and every so often I'd mention it in passing and "feel him out". The summer of 2010 there was a situation that a distant family member had a baby and DCFS stepped in and removed the baby from her care before she was even able to leave the hospital with the baby. Eric and I discussed this child and even though we realized we wouldn't be able to get that child it opened up a line of communication between us to really investigate adoption. To my surprise Eric had a change of heart. Initially I looked into foster care, there are so many children in the system that are in need of a good, loving home and it breaks my heart that so many are in need of a forever family. Sadly the Illinois laws turned us away from becoming foster parents. I understand and agree with the philosophy of keeping families together, but how many chances does a parent get? How many times does a child need to be bounced back and forth from parents to foster care. I couldn't allow Jonner to have someone in and out of our home, he wouldn't understand and it'd break my heart.
January of this year I started looking into adoption and doing a little bit of research. I had no idea where to start. One day I wore my Hawkeye shirt to pick J up from school and one of his classmate's mom stated she was from Iowa and her son's birthmother was too. Wearing that shirt was a blessing and gave me a starting point! She hooked me up with an attorney in Iowa and I contacted them and we received their application form in the mail. We filled it out but something just didn't feel right and I didn't send it off right away. A week later a girl from church and I were talking and she mentioned a friend of her's had adopted from Lutheran Child and Family Services right here in the town we live in. Instantly I knew that was the route I wanted to go. Local for me to feel involved and having grown up in a Lutheran church it felt right for me. Eric just went along for the ride and let me make most of the decissions. I contacted LCFS and stopped at their office and picked up an application, made an appointment to meet with one of their workers and get started. Since we'd already filled out an application for the attorney in Iowa it was easy to fill out the LCFS application and get it returned in no time. On March 7, 2011 it was offical, we'd jumped into the adoption process with both feet. Our application and application fee had been submitted with much of our additional background information. In April we had our homestudy walk through of our home and by the end of May we had our approved homestudy in our hot little hands. We were approved to adopt!
It's crazy how an individual can get pregnant, and be able to take their child home with them no questions asked and yet to adopt we indure fingerprinting, background checks, a home walk through, interviewing of friends, letters from family, financial reports...and this is just a peak of what is need to adopt. It's not for the faint of heart and it weeds out those that are not serious about adoption. We made it through the paperwork! Now we continue to wait...
Waiting; this is the hard part. We've sent facebook messages and emails out to everyone we know. And with it being Adoption month we'll send one out again this month and in our Christmas letters in December. You know what they say about the squeeky wheel! Networking is the way to go. Getting the word out. YOU might be our link...YOU know someone who know's someone who know's someone who is expecting and looking into making an adoption plan or just doesn't know what to do about an unplanned pregnancy. YOU can help!
A few weeks ago I was having some adoption anxiety with the wait and the financial draining of funds adoption brings. I mentioned we were looking into fundraising options along with loans and applying for grants. I think we've finally come to a conclusion on what feels right for us. Scouts sell cookies and popcorn to help offset the cost of camps, so what can we sell to offset our adoption costs. These are just a few of the things I've come up with.
I've always had a desire to adopt, Eric from the beginning said no. I remained persistant and every so often I'd mention it in passing and "feel him out". The summer of 2010 there was a situation that a distant family member had a baby and DCFS stepped in and removed the baby from her care before she was even able to leave the hospital with the baby. Eric and I discussed this child and even though we realized we wouldn't be able to get that child it opened up a line of communication between us to really investigate adoption. To my surprise Eric had a change of heart. Initially I looked into foster care, there are so many children in the system that are in need of a good, loving home and it breaks my heart that so many are in need of a forever family. Sadly the Illinois laws turned us away from becoming foster parents. I understand and agree with the philosophy of keeping families together, but how many chances does a parent get? How many times does a child need to be bounced back and forth from parents to foster care. I couldn't allow Jonner to have someone in and out of our home, he wouldn't understand and it'd break my heart.
January of this year I started looking into adoption and doing a little bit of research. I had no idea where to start. One day I wore my Hawkeye shirt to pick J up from school and one of his classmate's mom stated she was from Iowa and her son's birthmother was too. Wearing that shirt was a blessing and gave me a starting point! She hooked me up with an attorney in Iowa and I contacted them and we received their application form in the mail. We filled it out but something just didn't feel right and I didn't send it off right away. A week later a girl from church and I were talking and she mentioned a friend of her's had adopted from Lutheran Child and Family Services right here in the town we live in. Instantly I knew that was the route I wanted to go. Local for me to feel involved and having grown up in a Lutheran church it felt right for me. Eric just went along for the ride and let me make most of the decissions. I contacted LCFS and stopped at their office and picked up an application, made an appointment to meet with one of their workers and get started. Since we'd already filled out an application for the attorney in Iowa it was easy to fill out the LCFS application and get it returned in no time. On March 7, 2011 it was offical, we'd jumped into the adoption process with both feet. Our application and application fee had been submitted with much of our additional background information. In April we had our homestudy walk through of our home and by the end of May we had our approved homestudy in our hot little hands. We were approved to adopt!
It's crazy how an individual can get pregnant, and be able to take their child home with them no questions asked and yet to adopt we indure fingerprinting, background checks, a home walk through, interviewing of friends, letters from family, financial reports...and this is just a peak of what is need to adopt. It's not for the faint of heart and it weeds out those that are not serious about adoption. We made it through the paperwork! Now we continue to wait...
Waiting; this is the hard part. We've sent facebook messages and emails out to everyone we know. And with it being Adoption month we'll send one out again this month and in our Christmas letters in December. You know what they say about the squeeky wheel! Networking is the way to go. Getting the word out. YOU might be our link...YOU know someone who know's someone who know's someone who is expecting and looking into making an adoption plan or just doesn't know what to do about an unplanned pregnancy. YOU can help!
A few weeks ago I was having some adoption anxiety with the wait and the financial draining of funds adoption brings. I mentioned we were looking into fundraising options along with loans and applying for grants. I think we've finally come to a conclusion on what feels right for us. Scouts sell cookies and popcorn to help offset the cost of camps, so what can we sell to offset our adoption costs. These are just a few of the things I've come up with.
Turkey shirts for cute little turkey's to celebrate Thanksgiving in. Above I have the girl version with bright pretty colors and below is the boy handprint version on camo. Right now I'm only making toddler sizes 18m - 5t for $8.00. I'll be starting Christmas shirts soon too!
All sales from my facebook site Tickled Pink Stitching will go towards our adoption fund. I'm excited about being able to combine doing something I love and knowing that I can release some of the financial anxiety I have of wondering where the money will come from to finalize the adoption and make it all legal once we do get our wee one.
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