Weigh in Wednesday - Wk 1

My good friend started her own Weigh in Wednesday section of her blog and in an effort to support her and a big dose of trying to motivate myself I've decided to join her on Weigh in Wednesdays.  I'm not to the point yet that I can be open and honest about my weight in numbers.  But I will be honest in saying that I deal with a lot of self loathing, making excuses, I have good intentions but sucky follow through.  I want to be the mom that can run and play with her kid without being pooped just getting out of the chair.  I want to be a good role model for my kid....I have a lot of wants and what I feel is even more failures.  I'd cry if I thought it'd help, but I know it won't and maybe I'm just to lazy to cry. 

A couple of days ago I saw a recent picture of myself and couldn't help but think "is that me?  when did I get that big?  am I really that fat?  that can't be me....I'm not THAT big am I?"  Yes, that was me.  When did I become the fat, unhappy woman who is seldom real with people?  Where did the skinny, fun, say it like it is girl go?  I know where part of me went.  (after typing a big story...I realized it was just another excuse - and I need to get away from the excuses.) 

Why do I do what I do when I'm sad, lonely, having a lot of anxiety?  Why is food my comfort?  Another truth....I'm the first to give up on myself. 

What I need:  to love myself and be happy with even the littlest accomplishments, make time for me both physically and emotionally.  So this will be my goal for this first week.  I know it's a big goal that will take a long time but I also know I need to be in the right mind-set to be able to acheive even a little bit.  And soda free - right now we're a soda free house, let's hope it stays that way this week. 

And the blonde here just realized it's Thursday!  Gotta LAUGH OUT LOUD at myself!