A Little Bit of This and A Little Bit of That

A Day Late & A Dollar Short...  I guess it's Weigh in Wednesday on a Thursday!  But I actually did weigh in yesterday, I just didn't blog about it.  Anyhoo, I've maintained my weight for the last 2 weeks.  Yay me with all the travelling and junk I've eaten.  I have no goals other than to continue to maintain until our life can slow down and we're not on the road as much.  Since E was paid today I'm no longer a dollar short (at least for a few days!).

Life on the road....  We've been making 4 day weekend trips up to Iowa/North Western Illinois to spend time with E's mom Jeanette.  She has Acute Myloid Luekemia.  U of Iowa Hospitals sent her home a few weeks ago stating there was nothing else to be done and gave her a few weeks.  She's spent the last week and a half home and surrounded by loved ones but is now in the Clinton hospital with pnemonia and fever (through the grapevine) we've heard she doesn't think she'll be back home.  We haven't actually talked to her since we want to give her time to rest but we are speaking ot family members daily on her condition.  We'll be driving up there tomorrow for the weekend.  E is having a hard time with it and not sleeping well, I have my tearful moments thinking about all the time I've spent with her and all the great recipes she's shared wiht me over the years.  J doesn't have a clue other than grandma is in the hospital and sick.  He continues to pray that she feels better and we try to re-direct that she's comfortable and with loved ones.  I'm so sad that he's too young to remember her.  I know she loves him so much and when he's being his goofy self she's said to him "your dutch".  To this day I have no idea what that means but it really warms my heart because it's something my grandma Malone used to say to me as a kid.  As an adult she loved to tease me about how I would pout and say "I am Not!"  I'm glad his grandma could tie me to my grandma. 

Last weekend was a good weekend with her.  The entire family was together in their house for a wonderful steak & shrimp dinner with loaded sides.  A Christmas in August with the best gift of being together as a family.  E's sister J arranged to have someone come in and take family photos.  Instead of all of us going into the formal living room (you know the one that no one is allowed in) where everyone would have fit we decided to pile into the den....the place where we always gathered as a family.  It was a really good day with family, fun, laughter & a few rowdy games of dice....family the way it's intended! 

Here are some of the pictures:  Grandma & Grandpa with the Grands

G & G with the kids & spouses

The entire gang

The Smith's with The Smith's

With all of this travelling Jonner hasn't been doing too well.  A few weeks ago he woke up vomiting and later that day it turned to diahrea.  Poor kid was sick almost every day.  Originally we thought he had a bug but after a trip to the doctor we were figured out it's gastrotitis.  Nothing contagious and not caused by all the travelling.  Last night was our 1st barf free night in 10 days and today was diahrea free!  Yay!!!  The poor kid was put on a beige diet, but hey if it works I'll spoon feed him applesauce & toast for weeks until his irritated intestines are back to normal. 

Lately we've had several people asking us about the adoption.  Sadly we really don't have anything to share, we're still in waiting.

  Continued prayers are appreciated. 

Weigh in Wednesday - wk 5

This has been a crazy week with a lot of travelling, hotel's, hospital & restaurants.  I'm estatic I lost 1/2 a pound.  I didn't do very well planning snacks & meals and I didn't journal a thing I ate.  And my exercise was non existant unless you count an hour and a half of playtime in a hotel pool with a 3yr old hanging off of me.  Ok...that WAS a workout, and a lot of walking the cooridors of U of I Hospital.  The coming weeks will be full of more of the same, so if nothing else I've learned what not to do! 

My main goal for this week is to be accountable for what I eat, and I know the best way for me to do that is by journalling, making sure I have healthy food choices available in the house and healthy options while we're on the road and away from home. 

I'm keeping it short today....above mentioned 3yr old is sitting on my lap asking to be held.  I know that this phase of wanting to be with mom will come to an end before I'm ready for it to be over so I'm going to soak it up now while I can. 

Weigh in Wednesday - wk 4

Can you believe it's Wednesday again?  I'm happy to say I've had a really good week.  I feel good and I've been sleeping really well.  It's been a long time since I can honestly say I've had a good nights sleep and let me tell you being a mom sleep is NOT over rated!  A big thank you to Jonner for finally sleeping through the night! 

Like I said above I had a good week, my previous goals were:  (I need to constantly remind myself!)

• to love myself and be happy with even the littlest accomplishments, make time for myself both physically & emotionally.
• be a soda free home
• make it to a Weight Watcher's meeting
• fit a 30 min. workout in 3x a week
• journal my food

We continue to be soda free for the most part.  I've found myself craving a Diet Coke these last few days but I think it's because I don't really care for the Crystal Light flavor I have in the frige.  It's time to just dump it out and make up something I do like and I think that will take care of the soda cravings.  I also made it to a WW meeting.  I really enjoyed the smaller meeting and felt a sense of community within the group which is something I didn't feel at the meeting center when I attended back in March.  I also really liked the leader, she took time with me to go over the plan again and answer my questions and concerns.  And when she didn't have an answer she asked the other WW associate who did have the answer for me.  I look forward to going back (good or bad on the scale) and getting more great tips & suggestions from the leaders and fellow members.  My self loathing is decreasing, I still have moments but they are becoming fewer and I'm concentrating on me and my happiness and I know my behavior will reflect on those around me and make all of our lives a bit easier and more enjoyable.  I haven't actually had a 30 min workout, but I have mowed the grass and taken Jonner for a walk around the block.  We walk at a snails pace so he can investigate his surroundings and we've taken time to visit with some neighbors, but I'm going to count it as a little bit of physical and a lot of emotional "workout" for the good.  Jonner and I have also taken advantage of the slight cooler temps and have played outside.  I don't know how many times I've walked the length of the yard and I fit in a few squats & jumps in during our play too.  I'm up and moving, Yay!  Saving the best for last I've lost 4.5 pounds this week (on my home scale)!!!  I know jounaling my food has been a tremendous help....as much as I hate doing it, it really does work for me. 

My plan is to continue with what I'm doing.  Right now it's working and I need to feel like I've got a hold of what I'm doing and know that I can be successful at right now and not worry about two weeks from now, next month or even further into the future. 

Weigh in Wednesday - Wk 3

Another week has gone by and it's time to weigh in again.  I'm beginning to dread Wednesdays, but I know like everything else "this too shall pass" until next week! 

My goals for last week didn't seem too lofty when I made them, but I'm wondering if I haven't put too many goals on myself because I'm not able to check each one off.  So this week I'm not going to add new goals.  I need to accomplish what I've already set out to do before I can continue on. 

My previous goals were:

• to love myself and be happy with even the littlest accomplishments, make time for me both physically and emotionally. 
• be a soda free home
• make it to a Weight Watcher's meeting
• fit a 30 min. workout in 3x a week

Did I succeed?

• I made time for me emotionally last weekend with my trip to Iowa.  I had a wonderful time with family & friends and felt completely refreshed and ready to start a new week.  YAY!
• We continue to be a soda free home.  I will admit I did have a couple of soda's over the weekend with meals but I'm not going to get worked up about those 2 drinks.  And the cravings have stayed away!  YAY!
• I did TRY to go to a WW meeting, but the a/c is broke at the meeting center and due to the extreme heat they've adjusted their hours.  So I need to get online and look for a time at an alternate meeting space that will work for me.  I did finally weigh myself today and I'm gulp: 11 lbs. heavier today than the last time I weighed in at WW in March.  I started tracking my points today and I hope to continue with tracking the food I eat in an effort to be accountable and remember what I'm eating. 
• I didn't get a single workout in last week.  BOO! 

I bought myself the Magic Bullet yesterday in hopes to whip up some yummy smoothies.  When my sister Bobbi visited last month she brought hers and made me fantastic breakfast smoothies every morning as a meal replacement.  She's eating better and attending a boot-camp and looking great, so I'm going to try to follow her lead.  I also bought myself a jar of PB2.  It's powdered peanut butter and delishious!  Best of all a serving of 2 Tbsp is only 1 WW pt! 

I feel like I'm heading in the right direction, but taking teeny-tiny baby steps.  I hope that I can keep up with what I've started this week and it'll reflect on the scale. 

Weigh in Wednesday - Wk 2

The Good the Bad and the Ugly....

First off, lurkers out there.....I know who you are!  Blogger has this great feature and I can track who looks at my blog.  I had an astounding 75 views last week on my Wk 1 blog....this is a great increase to my normal 3-4 views of an ordinary blog.  So if you're here to rubber neck an accident, keep moving and don't text and drive!  I accept comments and if you can't be supportive and encouraging I don't need you reading my blog! 

Ok, off my soapbox and my full attention is back to my faithful 4! 

Wk 1 goals were as follows:

• to love myself and be happy with even the littlest accomplishments, make time for me both physically and emotionally.
• be a soda free house

Did I succeed:

• I walked for 2hrs last Friday, I mowed the grass over the weekend and I've been on the floor playing a lot more with Jonner little accomplishments that I NEED to acknowledge.  They don't seem like much but I tried.  I did not make time for myself and I'm still in the loathing state.  I tried to make it to a couple of Weight Watcher meetings but it didn't happen (insert excuse here). 
• Happy Dance, Happy Dance!!!  We've been a soda free house for just over a week!!  I've been able to avoid the soda calling me with ice cold water & Crystal Light.  I think this heat has helped some because I've actually craved water & tea over soda.  I am happy to say I'm much less bloated and I think it's because the soda is out of my system and I've had little to no caffine withdrawl headaches....double YAY!  

Wk 2 goals:

• continue with wk 1 goals
• make it to a Weight Watcher's meeting (I've been paying for WW since March and have only gone 3 times)  
• fit a 30 minute workout in 3x a week 

My current thoughts:
My husband has lost a lot of weight recently and is looking GOOD!  I'm definately not feeling the pride I once did walking next to him.  So I really want to feel good about myself and have that sense of pride I once had when we were together.  He's golfing about 2-3x a week, playing softball 2x a week, training for a marathon plus working 40+hrs a week.....it's no wonder I can't find time for myself.  Ooops did I just type that!  I am proud of the work he's done to make himself feel and look better, but I'm also jealous.  Two years ago I decided I wanted to run a 5k and agreed to run with me while I trained the Couch to 5K program.  Not only did I complain, but I slowed him down a lot....and I knew it.  It made it easy to complain because I knew he wouldn't push me because I slowed him down....making it even easier to quit altogether.  I complained but I did feel better and more energized through the day, dare I say I miss running and feeling good.  While I was "training" I didn't loose a single pound.  Not ONE!  I did loose a lot of inches all over and I was starting to feel good about being able to pick cute clothes out. 

Now I have Eric training for a marathon, several friends who have completed a half marathon and here I am just wanting to be able to run a 5k in 30ish minutes!  Can I do it?  I know it, you know it, we all know I CAN.  But will I find the motivation and the drive within myself to do it and finally follow through with something?   

Weigh in Wednesday - Wk 1

My good friend started her own Weigh in Wednesday section of her blog and in an effort to support her and a big dose of trying to motivate myself I've decided to join her on Weigh in Wednesdays.  I'm not to the point yet that I can be open and honest about my weight in numbers.  But I will be honest in saying that I deal with a lot of self loathing, making excuses, I have good intentions but sucky follow through.  I want to be the mom that can run and play with her kid without being pooped just getting out of the chair.  I want to be a good role model for my kid....I have a lot of wants and what I feel is even more failures.  I'd cry if I thought it'd help, but I know it won't and maybe I'm just to lazy to cry. 

A couple of days ago I saw a recent picture of myself and couldn't help but think "is that me?  when did I get that big?  am I really that fat?  that can't be me....I'm not THAT big am I?"  Yes, that was me.  When did I become the fat, unhappy woman who is seldom real with people?  Where did the skinny, fun, say it like it is girl go?  I know where part of me went.  (after typing a big story...I realized it was just another excuse - and I need to get away from the excuses.) 

Why do I do what I do when I'm sad, lonely, having a lot of anxiety?  Why is food my comfort?  Another truth....I'm the first to give up on myself. 

What I need:  to love myself and be happy with even the littlest accomplishments, make time for me both physically and emotionally.  So this will be my goal for this first week.  I know it's a big goal that will take a long time but I also know I need to be in the right mind-set to be able to acheive even a little bit.  And soda free - right now we're a soda free house, let's hope it stays that way this week. 

And the blonde here just realized it's Thursday!  Gotta LAUGH OUT LOUD at myself!