"A" is for Adoption Anxiety

I've had a lot rolling around in my head today.  Adoption anxiety & restlessness.  Patience has never been one of my strong points. 

Last week I had a weird dream.  Jonner and I were sitting in a hospital waiting room with two other families waiting for the social worker to come talk to us.  When she came in she said "a child is available for adoption, I just need to look at your files to find out which family is a compatable match".  One family stood up and said they were only interested in a newborn, the other family stood and said they wanted a child 2 or younger.  I stood and said we're willing to adopt a child 3 or younger as long as the child is younger than Jonner.  The social worker announced with a big smile "you're the new family of a 3yr old girl"!  Jonner and I were overjoyed and the other two families left the room.  I quickly texted Eric (who was a work) "it's a girl and she's 3yrs old".  We were escorted into a private room where I met my new daughter, she had dark hair and eyes and was named Sonja.  I held her and Jonner tried to play with her and she was shy and unsure of both of us.  I was just looking at her and noticed she had an ouchie on her wrist and someone had put duct tape on her ouchie instead of a bandaid.  It was then a nurse came in and whisked her away and informed me Sonja had an infection. 

Then I woke up.  I had to experience my new child already being taken away and even though there hadn't been a "formal" bonding time, she was mine and I wasn't ready to let anyone take her from me...from us.  Her family.   

The anxiety I experience comes with the wait and not knowing a timeline of when we'll get a referral.  I worry about the cost and being able to afford adoption.  I plan on applying for grants but they're few and far between and I can't bank on receiving a grant.  Do we borrow, fundraise, get a loan?  Unfortunately Eric and I are not on the same page when it comes to how we'll pay.  I'm naturally a planner and would rather know where the money is "in the event of" and not be pressed when we have a huge bill and are trying to finalize the adoption 6 months after placement.  Not to mention the cost of diapers & formula.  I know families get by all the time and I know we too will figure it out.  

Today was my first big day of anxiety...not too bad for once in the first 6 months.  Going into this journey I knew it wasn't going to be a quick one.  I trust that the Lord has hand picked our child and I pray for this child and his/her birthfamily. 

We continue to network with family and friends in hopes that one of you out there will know someone who know's someone who is wanting to make an adoption plan for her unborn child. 

Please continue to pray for our family during this adoption process. 

Fall Fun

On a typical weekend we all curl up on the couch and eventually we all fall asleep and when we wake up we tease each other about falling asleep during our family movie/cuddle time.  Today I'm letting my guys curl up with some Scooby-Doo and I'm playing catch up.  My two favorite guys are holding to tradition and snoozing away! 

My poor little guy is sporting a rash on his face & neck.  I took him to the Dr. yesterday and I was told that a child with frequent respitory issues it's common to have a "hystamine" attack and have irratation from things they come in contact with.  The only thing out of our norm is we went to the pumpkin patch and he was lovin' on and feeding the cows. 

It's a little on the itchy side, but for the most part it's not giving him to much grief and he's leaving it alone.  Hopefully another day or two of Zyrtec & 1% Cortizone will clear him up.  Thankfully he's not contagious!  And while we were at the Dr. I went ahead and started getting him caught up on some of his vaccines while we were there AND healthy.  Poor guy got 3 shots in the thigh and we go back next month for his 4yr old well check up and he'll get 3 more. 

The temps really dropped this week and I broke down and turned the heat on for a few days.  I love the cooler temps fall brings but I'm not a big fan of the damp, drizzle that we had for a few days this week.  Monday Jonner and I joined our MOPS group for a trip to the pumpkin patch.  As always we had a great time seeing the animals, playing with friends in the farm play center and riding the tractor to pick out the perfect pumpkin.  After trompsing through the pumpkin patch and passing on several pumkins, Jonner found a winner to bring home!

The best part of going to the pumpkin patch is being with friends.  Jonner and his best girl Ellie have been the best of friends (it's a love/hate, brother/sister relationship) since they were little bitty's.  And Jonas on the right is a new friend Jonner met at the pumpkin patch and they became fast friends. 

These two are the best of the patch!

Jonner and I made another fun craft this week.  We raided the plastic recycle bin and found two milk jugs that we could transform into spooky ghosts.  We started out putting a layer of glow in the dark paint over the jug and then added our facial features with black paint.  We should have put several coats of glow in the dark on the jug because one just didn't do much!  But we had fun and our ghosts turned out fabulous!

These were made to put a light in to illuminate from the inside, but Jonner and one of his little playmates made a game of Boo Chase out of them.  They each held a jug by it's handle and chased each other around the yard yelling "boooooo" and going up on the neighbors "haunted" porch.  I love seeing how little imaginative minds work and I'm so happy they were able to make something recycled into something fun! 

This morning was a Mommy Morning.  Every year my good friend and I make a point to get out on a weekend, kid-free.  We've been to the Belleville Historical Christmas Tour and we oh'd and ah'd over the wonderful Christmas decor the beautiful, historical homes of Belleville area.  The last couple of years we've gone to the local Craft Fair at the Fairgrounds.  Last year the building was packed with vendors and so many crafts to choose from and inspire to recreate.  This cute owl was my big find last year.  I just love him and can keep him up the entire fall season. 

This year was a little bit of a disappointment.  There were not near as many vendors as last year, but we still had a good time and saw and bought some cute crafts. 

HoHoHo my Santa Snowman will be a great addition to my Christmas Kitchen.

Sara & Saul Pilgrim are a cute little couple that I scored an awesome deal on for the pair (they were mis-marked) and since I have very little Thanksgiving decor I thought it'd be fun to get something.  Especially since I'm hosting Thanksgiving this year!

These days out are few and far between and very much enjoyed by both of us.  Thanks to some hubby's that help with schedules to make it happen.  I couldn't ask for more! 

Adoption Update

This morning was our 6 month home walk through with our social worker from Luthern Child & Family Services.  It was a simple 15 minute "inspection" to make sure our license was hung/displayed according to state regulations, all medicines & chemicals locked away, the gun in the safe, fire extinguisher & smoke detectors.  Basic's that are pretty much our norm anyway.  I did go through the house yesterday to make sure the smoke/carbon monoxide detectors worked and wouldn't you know it this morning I hear chirping.  After changing batteries in the one from the laundry room I still could hear chirping.  I found the guilty party in a drawer in the laundry room.  Evidently we had an extra and it was tucked away and forgotten about! 

Our worker informed me that our book has only been viewed once.  I'm happy that it went out, and a little sad that we weren't chosen.  I asked if the birthmom said why we weren't chosen and I guess she's having a bi-racial baby and choose a bi-racial family.  I can understand and respect that decission and I like that it wasn't anything stupid like us not living in a big two story house. 

We're still plugging away with our own networking and I've started a letter to enclose in our Christmas cards.  We officially started the adoption process with paperwork in March...7 months... we're ready for a baby! 

Jonner talks about having a baby sister all the time.  It doesn't help that both of my sisters have little girls and his cousin's that are his age have what he wants....a baby sister.  He's willing to take Abbi-Gail (Liam's sister) or Sienna (Levi's sister) and doesn't understand why he can't have them.  Me telling him that they're already someone elses baby sister doesn't seem to hold much weight with him.  As excited as he'd be to have a baby sister I know he'd be equally excited for a baby brother.  He loves the babies! 

I guess if you're reading this and know of someone looking into making an adoption plan for their unborn child, please remember us and refer the birthparent to us and/or contact us for contact info for our social worker and/or adoption attorney. 

Life in the fast lane

I say life in the fast lane as if we're going somewhere, but in actuallity we're still here just going a million miles an hour.  Life is finally getting back to normal after the many trips we made up north and this is going to be our first weekend here at home (without company) since July! 

Here's a recap of our fun the last few weeks here at home.  The 1st weekend of October Grandpa Smith came to visit.  He was here on his birthday week so we decided to celebrate it up for him.  Eric and Jonner took him golfing, we had a big steak dinner and I made him an angel food cake with fluffy frosting - just like Jeanette used to make!  Here's Jonner licking the frosting from the beater!

He thought it was pretty good!  Licking the beaters was always my favorite part of my mom's baking! 

My parents always come to visit the 2nd weekend of October for the annual Share Walk.  It's a walk to remember all babies gone to soon.  It's a nice time to remember and honor Kye and all of his angel friends during a ceremony with speakers, song, each baby's name is read aloud, balloon release and a memorial walk.  The walk is lead by a banner that all the families sign a message on. 

This las one is my favorite.  Jonner saw everyone writing on the banner so he picked up an ink pen and said he was going to write a letter to his brever (aka brother) Kye.  Look closely and Jonner wrote his name all by himself!  Yay Jonner!  All caps and backwards and when he ran out of room he put his upside down/backwards R under the rest of his name.  I'm glad I have a picture of it and that he was able to share this new "mastery" with his brever! 

Our balloons sent with love to heaven!

                        
Last week I started a Monday craft shared on Tuesday.  Well this week was a wee bit Cra-ZEE, but we did complete several crafts and just stuff in general.  All of it kept me away from the computer!  Our Monday craft as promised.

Felt Jack-O-Lanterns:  I cut a "pumpkin" from a sheet of orange felt and a bunch of facial shapes from black felt.  When 2 pieces of felt are pressed together they naturally bond and hold onto one another.  So we were able to make several different jack-o-lantern faces during our craft playtime.  Ton's of fun and Jonner's made several funny faces and really enjoys playing with the felt.  I'm thinking this will be a fun activity to make seasonally.  I see snowmen with different hats, scarves, mittens, Easter Bunnies with baskents, eggs, flowers and just fun things like cupcakes, cookies, felt dolls to "dress" for the weather....so many possibilities! 

Jonner Jack-o-Lantern

Mommy Jack-o-Lantern with the "lipstick" and eyelashes!

Daddy Jack-o-Lantern with eyebrows and a moo-stach under the nose! 

You can see Jovie is really impressed with Jonner's creations.  In reality she's probably just happy to be able to sit and rest without Jonner chasing her or tattling on her "Mommy, Jovie is in the same room as me" what will I do when we have another one!  The tattling has already started and it's with a dog! 

I finally completed Jonner's Halloween costume and have begun working on Eric's and mine.  We're going to be a family of Pirates and will host a Halloween party for a few of Jonner's friends here on Smith Island - Arrrr! 

Jonner and I also completed his thank you notes to send everyone who loved on him for his birthday.  I cheated this year and bought some Halloween stickers and pre-made witch hat cards on clearance last winter.  It worked out fabulously.  He get's to help with stickers, and we're done in an afternoon.  But since he can write his name now I'm having him sign each card....it's going to take forever! 

Lastly, I've recently started stalking my friend Erica's photos.  She "introduced" me to Bento lunches.  When school started she posted some uber cute pictures of lunches she created for her boys.  I've always tried to make a fun lunch for Jonner using cookie cutters to cut his sandwich but little did I know the extent of what can be done to fun up a lunch.  Bento is basically a Japanese term for cute, fun and HEALTHY lunches.  I'm addicted and FAR from making anything remotely close to the art of what I've seen some mom's make for their kiddo's.  But I have improved and have a few pictures of two of his lunches this week.  

The picture is horrible - after the fact I now realize I had the camera on the wrong setting.  This one went to school with him and was a big hit.  One of the little boys in Jonner's class didn't get two hand stamps at the end of the day because he kept trying to take Jonner's lunch away from him!  Anyway it's a ghost in a cheesy pumpkin patch (cheese sandwich on wheat) with witch fingers (carrot sticks) in a silicone spider cup and goblin guts & eyes (mini oreo's & yogurt raisins) in a silicone pumpkin cup with a juice box and an apple. 

This was a lunch I made for him here at home on his Boo plate.  A jack-o-lantern sandwich (nutella on wheat), witch fingers (carrot sticks) in a spider cup, sliced banana, pumpkin marshmallow's & bat gummies with a Frankenstein pick in a pumpkin cup.  I'm finding that anythink with a pick tastes better and I can limit a few yummies with more fruit/veggies if it's on a pick!  Jonner has always been a good carrot & apple eater.  Giving him a banana or grape was unheard of, but now he asks for them if he can pick a pick to eat them with. 

Dork alert!

Lastly, my big accomplishment this week.  I baked my 1st potato(es).  I know what you're thinking....she's never baked a potato before....the answer is "no".  Until now, and I have to share.  I knocked it out of the ballpark.  Not only did I bake the taters I made them into twice baked taters and froze them.  Slowly but surely my freezer is getting re-stocked for the winter with easy, pre-made meals.  We had our twice baked tater's with oven baked bbq ribs the other night and they were delish. 

Again...camera on the wrong setting.  I think it's time to just hand this camera over to Jman and get myself a new one! 

So that's just a peek of our week in a nutshell. 

Vroom, Vroom!

Crafts with my favorite 4yr old!

I recently started making a weekly Monday craft with Jonner.  And decided we'd share on Tuesday when I have the time to sit down and type to my hearts desire while he's in school.  That didn't happen this morning because I was off getting beautiful, bodacious big hair!  But I am going to take advantage of NAP TIME!!  Yes, my big boy who just turned 4 on September 25th still needs and takes a nap.  I love nap time! 

So we started a Busy Binder/Bag.  Items that can fit in a binder or bag and come in handy while at the Dr.'s office, restaurants, travelling that type of thing. 

I'll start off with what I haven't finished....BUSY BINGO for travelling.  I made a bingo sheet and instead of using numbers I used clip art of things like a semi truck, train, stop sign.  Stuff we see while travelling.  I also made seasonal bingo pages to use as the season's change and we see different "looks" on the horizon.  Once I get a cartridge for my printer I plan on printing and laminating the sheets and putting them in a 3 ring binder.  When Jonner spots one of the items he can put an X over the picture with his dry erase crayon and get a little prize once all items on a sheet have been crossed off.  As he get's a little older I'll have him try to just get a straight line, 4 corners that sort of thing.  My goal with this activity is to have him tune into his surroundings rather than the dvd player. 

Now on to the fun stuff we've already completed!  BUSY LACE-UPS.  I took different colored foam board that we had in our craft bin and cut it into different shapes.  Taking a hole punch I punched holes around the entire shape and added a shoe string to lace in and out of the holes.  This activity works on hand/eye cordination, fine motor skills and helps teach colors and shapes.  In all honesty, Jonner has not shown any interest in this activity....it might be a bust.  Then again who knows with this kid of mine!

Next is BUSY BEADS.  This is a favorite of mommy and son!  Jonner and I have spent hours playing with this simple activity and it goes just about everywhere with us and it's SO simple!  I've taken a handful of plastic pony beads and put them in a bowl with lid (I tried loose in a ziploc bag and the beads went everywhere, I've found the bowl works like a charm) and a bunch of pipe cleaners.  We string beads and make braclets, form the pipe cleaners into animals and people....the ideas and possibilities are endless!  This activity can be used for making patterns, fine motor skills, color recognition and hand/eye cordination.

Here Jonner is making patterns.  This was fun to see how his little mind worked and making a game out of what color comes next.  Plus it's no easy task to thread a pipe cleaner through a bead with cute chubby fingers!

Jonner showing off his giraffe!

Our co-creation of the BUSY BEAD BODY. 
All this was done the 1st day we played with this activity.  We've since made a flamingo, and bracelets, a butterfly & flower. 

This last activity is COLOR MATCHING.  I haven't gotten it out yet to let Jonner play with to give feed-back.  It is another simple concept with basic items we had around the house and in our craft bin.  Clothes pins, glue & paint chip samples (these I picked up from the local paint store).  I got 2 of each paint sample, one to cut and glue a sample to the clothes pin and one to use as a guide to match the pin to.  Easy peasy!  This activity is great for fine motor skills, matching & color recognition. 

I wish I could claim genius for this activities, but have to give credit to someone on Pinterest for planting the seed in my brain.  But it was all me getting up and actually making these!  I really have enjoyed making these activities for Jonner and look forward to him getting them out and actually putting them to use.  Plus I have so many more ideas to keep him busy and still challenge and strengthen his abilities at completing different tasks.  But I'll still keep my lone hotwheel and 3 crayons in the bottom of my purse as emergency back-ups.  Those white table liners on the beds in Dr's offices make great coloring sheets! 

Oh and I didn't have to purchase anything to make these activities!  WooHoo and they all fit nicely into a quart sized ziploc bag! 
 
I think our first week of craft make & share was a success!  Let me know if you try any of these activities and how they go over with your wee ones!

Gone Fishin'

When I think back to my childhood one of the things that stands out is fishing.  I loved fishing as a child and have so many fond memories of fishing with different family members.  I found a photo of the first fish I ever caught.  Me in all my fishy glory!  When I pulled the picture out of the album my mom made for me 20 some years ago she wrote on the back "Grandma Malone took Tiffani fishing for the first time.  Caught a bass - summer 1978".  I have so many wonderful memories of the times I spent with my Grandma and one of my favorites is of one of our many fishing adventures. 

I have no idea how old I was but I do remembering thinking I was an experienced fisher-woman and didn't need to listen to what grandma had to say.  We went to one of our regular fishing spots in Sabula for an afternoon.  We packed a few sandwiches and a big jug of kool-aid and off we went with our fishing gear.  I remembered seeing people using a Y shaped branch stuck into the ground to hold their fishing pole.  I decided I should do that too while I wondered around and drank kool-aid from the jug.  My grandma kept getting after me to pay attention to my poll and I continued to ignore her.  A moment later I had a bite on my poll and away my poll disappeared into the murky Sabula lake.  Definately "the one that got away..."  poll and all!  I think I saw steam coming out of my grandma's ears at that moment, she was so upset with me for not listening and letting the fish get away with her fishing poll.  Later that afternoon she found my Uncle John and he walked into the water and found the lost fishing poll about 20ft. out from the shore.  The fish had gotten away but luckily the poll was retrieved and my Grandma had a story to tell and laugh about for the remainder of her life. 

I remember going out on the Mississippi with my Grandma & Grandpa Lutz in their little fishing boat and going through the flood gates in Clinton and thinking I was hot stuff going through the big steel gates and out into the main channel...I don't even know if we were fishing or just out for a ride on the river! 

I have to say though that my favorite fishing memory happened just a few weeks ago when Eric and I took Jonner fishing for the 1st time.  We had such a wonderful day as a family at one of the little lakes on Scott AFB.  We were only out there for a little more than an hour, but it was an hour full of quality, fun & love.  We started out going to Walmart to get our bait and as Jonner was carrying it to the checkout he decided to give it a good shake and unfortunately the lid wasn't on the tub tight and dirt and worms went flying through Walmart.... oops!  In the little amount of time we were fishing the three of us caught 4 fish!   

Look at my little fisher of men with his first fish - a bluegill, summer 2011

It took awhile but he eventually decided to hold one of the fish we caught and he even threw it back into the lake.  Catch & release!

I think the highlight of Jonner's day was playing with the worms.  He's such a boy!

We let Jonner try to cast on his own and he had a blob of seaweed stuck to his hook and it kept slapping him on the back of his shirt and he was getting frustrated.  Eric and I couldn't help but laugh and Eric started to video tape him and just in the knick of time.  Eric caught him as he cast his entire poll into the lake and had a little bit of a fit.  Having been in a similar possition myself I was able to swoop in and save the poll and put a smile back on my little man's face. 

A Little Bit of This and A Little Bit of That

A Day Late & A Dollar Short...  I guess it's Weigh in Wednesday on a Thursday!  But I actually did weigh in yesterday, I just didn't blog about it.  Anyhoo, I've maintained my weight for the last 2 weeks.  Yay me with all the travelling and junk I've eaten.  I have no goals other than to continue to maintain until our life can slow down and we're not on the road as much.  Since E was paid today I'm no longer a dollar short (at least for a few days!).

Life on the road....  We've been making 4 day weekend trips up to Iowa/North Western Illinois to spend time with E's mom Jeanette.  She has Acute Myloid Luekemia.  U of Iowa Hospitals sent her home a few weeks ago stating there was nothing else to be done and gave her a few weeks.  She's spent the last week and a half home and surrounded by loved ones but is now in the Clinton hospital with pnemonia and fever (through the grapevine) we've heard she doesn't think she'll be back home.  We haven't actually talked to her since we want to give her time to rest but we are speaking ot family members daily on her condition.  We'll be driving up there tomorrow for the weekend.  E is having a hard time with it and not sleeping well, I have my tearful moments thinking about all the time I've spent with her and all the great recipes she's shared wiht me over the years.  J doesn't have a clue other than grandma is in the hospital and sick.  He continues to pray that she feels better and we try to re-direct that she's comfortable and with loved ones.  I'm so sad that he's too young to remember her.  I know she loves him so much and when he's being his goofy self she's said to him "your dutch".  To this day I have no idea what that means but it really warms my heart because it's something my grandma Malone used to say to me as a kid.  As an adult she loved to tease me about how I would pout and say "I am Not!"  I'm glad his grandma could tie me to my grandma. 

Last weekend was a good weekend with her.  The entire family was together in their house for a wonderful steak & shrimp dinner with loaded sides.  A Christmas in August with the best gift of being together as a family.  E's sister J arranged to have someone come in and take family photos.  Instead of all of us going into the formal living room (you know the one that no one is allowed in) where everyone would have fit we decided to pile into the den....the place where we always gathered as a family.  It was a really good day with family, fun, laughter & a few rowdy games of dice....family the way it's intended! 

Here are some of the pictures:  Grandma & Grandpa with the Grands

G & G with the kids & spouses

The entire gang

The Smith's with The Smith's

With all of this travelling Jonner hasn't been doing too well.  A few weeks ago he woke up vomiting and later that day it turned to diahrea.  Poor kid was sick almost every day.  Originally we thought he had a bug but after a trip to the doctor we were figured out it's gastrotitis.  Nothing contagious and not caused by all the travelling.  Last night was our 1st barf free night in 10 days and today was diahrea free!  Yay!!!  The poor kid was put on a beige diet, but hey if it works I'll spoon feed him applesauce & toast for weeks until his irritated intestines are back to normal. 

Lately we've had several people asking us about the adoption.  Sadly we really don't have anything to share, we're still in waiting.

  Continued prayers are appreciated.