A care package for me....the recipient of a random act of kindness

I know many of you are like me and LOVE shopping at Target.  I don't know if any of you avoid it like I do though too.  Everytime I step foot into that store I spend WAY more than I want/need to on random stuff that we just can't live without.  Today I went in with only one thing on my list:  boy socks from the $1 bins.  Of course they only had girly socks, but Jonner found a Captain Hook hand for a buck and I figured "why not."  We wandered into the boy section of clothes because Jman has been growing and I needed to find.....whatever I could find for cheap.  Because the child needs nothing, but c'mon it's Target!  So after a Superman tee on clearance and an outfit on sale I let him look at toys with the knowledge that he has $2 to spend on a toy or save and have more next week.  Again....c'mon it's Target!  Like a 4yr old with a 5yr old complex is going to leave Target without a toy!  After going up and down and down and up the aisles and not finding anything for $2.00 I told him it was time to leave.  I started leaving and as we're getting closer to the checkouts he pipes up "but I want a hot rod" code for MatchBox.  Me wearing the BIG SUCKER stamp across my forhead turns the cart around to get his hot rod.  I think I heard Angels sing when he finally picked his '67 Pontiac GTO.  We could leave before I spent anymore money!  Just as we're coming out of the hot rod aisle I see this cute little red headed girl (the daughter of one of my dearest and closest friends).  I wanted to be the creepy lady that went up and offered her candy!  lol!  But Jonner was so excited to see her and her sisters that he ruined my creepy moment!  Ahhhhh sweet bliss of having a conversation with another adult as we were "those parents" letting our children run around the toys without immediate supervision.  C'mon really, it's only THE Target that a child preditor was waiting inside the restroom for a child to go into alone.  But there were 4 of them and when we didn't see them, we heard the heard of elephants laughing & running.  I know, I know, I don't need a lecture about child safety and it only takes a second.  Anyhoo, as we're standing there and all 4 children are not only within view but within 15 feet two hoity-toity snobs walk by us with a comment about no one watching those kids.  Ugh....bitches, if you want to make a point just make it.  Don't make snide comments in hopes that someone hears you being a snob.  Own it lady, it's not like I know you or will remember you the next time my child is running around Target! 

Not that these ladies made that big of an impact.  The kids were having fun, I had a moment like Rex in Toy Story 3 "He held me, he actually held me!" with having an adult conversation "I'm talking to an adult, I'm actually talking to an adult!"  Little things make big impacts.  Like the lady who heard me talking to Jonner in the toiletries about what we should put in daddy's next care package. 

Jonner was crying because he didn't get to give his best girl a hug goodbye after we went opposite directions at the store and in a distraction I was asking him what he thought daddy would like.  I noticed a lady walk by and stop, look at what I was looking at and kept going.  We picked a few things up, J saw his best girl and gave her a hug and we walked to the checkouts.  While standing in the checkout this same lady came up to me and asked "where is your husband", when I told her he's deployed she handed me a $10 bill.  She said she knew it wasn't much but that she knew "families need to be taken care of too".  How awesome is that!?  A randon act of kindness from a complete stranger, there are no words.  Just my big grateful heart and the knowledge that even though there are some snide people out there, there are also wonderful caring people who will go out of their way to make your day!  Thank you.

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So speaking of care packages.  I decided to send a monthly themed package to Eric.  Now that he's received his first one I'll post the picture.  Its theme was "We're Blue Without You" everything was either blue or packaged in blue.  It was part Father's Day and part just because we miss him.  He didn't get the theme....a bit of a disappointment for me since I really worked at making it the color blue.  *eye's rolling* geesh, men! 

So now that he know's he's getting themed packages I hope he "gets" the ones I send in the coming months!  The softball is for my 2 guys to mail back and forth and play catch with.  They're going to each write/draw a message to the other and mail again.  This ball is going to travel a lot of miles!  The M&M's melted in the extreme desert heat, but surprisingly the Gatorade didn't explode!  Yay!  I'm sure custom's appreciates it more than me or Eric! 

Here Jonner is modeling the t-shirt he made for daddy for Father's Day.  It says World's Best Dad (Jonner's handprints) Hands Down.  J also finger painted his name and finger prints and made a fingerprint drawing of Kye for daddy.  My little love the artist, always remembering his brother!  This was a lot of fun to put together and I'm really looking forward to looking outside the box to make his next care package super special. 

P is for....

The Pulling up of my big girl Panties, Putting the Pity Party behind me....and making Popsicles with my favorite little man. 

As I sit here typing I'm reflecting on what I wrote the other day.  I was at a low and I needed an avenue to vent.  Releasing the frustration that had built up in me felt so good.  That evening I let Jonner sleep in my bed and we both slept really well and started a new day with a smile, laughter, songs & tickles....a perfect way to start the day with a new perspective.  A moment ago I watched him eat his afternoon snack of applesauce.  He licked it out of the bowl and when he finished he ran back out to the patio to play in the bin of soapy water I'd given him.  All of his SuperHero's are going for a swim today and rescuing each other from a soapy storm of bubbles.  He's in his little boy element and I'm looking beyond the mess and clutter to see a little boy having fun making a mess.  Thank goodness his mess is on the patio!  I'm taking the time to forget what will be waiting for me tomorrow and having fun with right now. 

Yesterday Jonner and I made our 1st batch of homemade popsicles.  I have great memories of homemade popsicles when I was a kid and I want to share and create new memories with Jonner. 

We bought our plastic mold, I found some healthy recipe's (if I'm going to make them I want them to be good for us too!) and our adventure began!

Fresh squeezed lime juice, lime zest, banana's and strawberries mixed with Greek yogurt, frozen orange juice concentrate (thawed) and a touch of honey to sweeten the deal!  I blended/puree'd everything until I had a liquid, poured into the molds and froze for a few hours. 

I think I was more excited to have our frozen dessert than Jonner after our dinner last night.  We sat on the patio and enjoyed our tart, frozen pops before heading to church for VBS. 

I say tart, but not quite pucker up tart, the tang of the yogurt and the touch of honey really made for a great popsicle!  I see many more popsicle variations in our future!  And my two favorite things about them:  we made them together and they're healthy!  I even let him have one for breakfast this morning :)  And he didn't even know he was getting a "good for you" treat!

Ah...the life of a busy little boy who know's his mama is distracted.  I hear someone sneaking into the frog habitat! 

At a Loss & a Low

It's been a trying couple of weeks, as I expected it to be.  But I didn't know just WHAT to expect.  Deployments suck, there is just no nice way to go about describing it.  So many emotions from pride and love to seperation anxiety, tears & unexpected behaviors.  We have them all.  And I'm at a loss as to what to do for my sweet little boy.  He's been such a mean, aggressive, naughty little boy since daddy left.  I know where it's coming from, I know why....I just don't know HOW to help him or HOW to fix his hurting.  We talk about daddy all the time, he's been able to talk to daddy on the phone a few times; but what does a 4yr old have to talk about on the phone.  Today we found a way to video chat.  Due to bandwidth issues this was our 1st opportunity to see daddy and have him see us.  It was SO good to see him and hear his voice and Jonner was thrilled to show him his toys and make funny faces and was such a chatter box...until it was time to say goodbye and he burried his head into my chest and cried.  He cried for a good 30 minutes after we turned off the camera's.  I redirected him and we played and cleaned up the toy room and eventually he fell asleep.  I had to wake him up to take him to VBS tonight at our church.  He didn't want to go and I struggled with it.  He wanted me to hold him and carry him and I had to leave him crying and all the way to the car I cried too....and I'm still crying.  I hate that he's hurting so much and afraid that I won't be back for him.  I hate that I had to feed him a yogurt in the car on the way to VBS b/c if it doesn't have a drive thru I haven't "made" dinner since daddy left.  I hate that he's been so mean and tormenting towards the dogs.  I hate that he get's mad & frustrated so quickly that he hits me, sasses me, throw's fits and breaks things.  I know where it's coming from....but I'm at a loss.  I pray and I pray and I pray and it's dark and lonely and I miss my best friend....and these are new emotions for me.  We've been through a lot of deployments before and each has been unique and had it's struggles but this one has had a lot of storms and we're only at the beginning.  Jonner is such a daddy's boy and Eric is a great dad and enjoys & wants to spend time with Jonner and play in the dirt and be rough & tumble boys together.  They are two peas in a pod and I'm the vine.  They stick together while I feed and nourish their relationship.  Jonner is lost without his pod pal and I know Eric is as well and there's a drought and I'm drying up. 

I know my roots are still strong.  I know that I need to rest & refresh for this time Jonner is at VBS so I can get back on track and be the mom & wife I need to be for my two guys.  Sometimes things are so much easier said than done.  I feel guilty for wanting/needing a break.  I feel weak for having gotten sick and letting my house get out of hand so badly that I feel like I'm in a sandpit and getting sucked under.  I feel like a bad mom for not making sure my child has a healthy diet of 3 meals and snacks.  I know that my lack of routine is in part to blame for his acting out. 

Right now I just want to go pickup my child, bring him home, cuddle and fall asleep holding him.  And hope that tomorrow will be a better day for the both of us.